Ok so I’m not so good at posting regularly. It’s not that there’s nothing to blog about. I am just incredibly lazy sometimes really busy lately. And you know, once it’s been a week or so, I start thinking that I have to come up with something really kickass to make up for taking such a long break. And then I start obsessing about that and psych myself out and before you know it–it’s been two weeks since your last post, dumbass.
And since it’s already been so long, why not wait another week? It can’t possibly matter anyway, right? Why not go work on the dozens of hours of tripe clogging up the DVR? Or why not go play another hand of spider solitaire? Don’t forget to work in some Wii Fit too. And you know you need to catch up on your blogs because you’re about 600 posts behind on Andrew Sullivan alone.
And then my head explodes. Luckily, my mother always said that when your head explodes, you pick up the pieces and have a highly skilled surgeon reattach them. And if you can’t afford a highly skilled surgeon, just attempt it yourself. It can’t possibly be that hard, right? That’s what she said. Because she can be very wise sometimes. Are we still talking about my mom?
So anyway, welcome back.
Yeah I know that yesterday I promised I would post today. But let’s face it. I’m not a daily poster. I just don’t have it in me. So today I’m going to treat you to some of the texts that are currently stored in my phone. You lucky bastards. By the way, these are all from the wife. So basically these are snippets from her end of a bunch of conversations.
I hate this fucking shit.
I’m at moms. Going to store shortly. Don’t need you. :p
Fucker. / That costs 15 cents.
Uhhhh… / You ask. / Next weekend. What are we doin?
Hi. / Who? / Naaaaaaahhhh
K thanks. :p
Yep. / Im soooo hot / Half of one / Yes / No / Ok i had a shot. Woooo / Red snapper. Crown and cranberry. / Im done. The dizzy is wearing off. / (edited) / Soon as we get home / K. Love you. / (edited)
I know right?!
I want ham and pineapple. Fucker. / WHATEVER.
What in the hell did you put on my baby BOY? / God! He’ll totally catch the gay now.
I’m so wet. / Wait. I toweled off. I’m dry now. / (edited) / (edited) / Oh my science! That’s hot.
(edited) / I don’t like it when ppl don’t txt back. / Shoo. Guess we’re not having lunch together.
Sooo this is stupid.
Uhhh…what are you doing? / Yes / And leaving soon
What’re you doing? / You need to get rid of the hot Chicago nerdy sluts now and txt back. / Srsly? You bought the sluts lunch? At 4 pm?
You freaks wearing your slickers?
I had forgotten about it. What else are we forgetting?
You know what? I guess you had to be there. I’m sorry if none of that made any sense. I’ll have a real post soon.
Not tomorrow, but soon.