1. I love the list format but I can’t have two posts in a row with the same title. I have standards.
2. Every time I go through a McDonald’s drive-thru and they say, “Please pull forward and we’ll bring your order out to you,” because I’ve just ordered so much fast food that even the #1 fast food chain in the world momentarily grinds to a halt, it makes me feel sad. That spot where you park up in front of the drive-thru is probably the most depressing spot in the world. It’s where dreams go to die. And you just know all the other people that get their food and leave are driving past with their noses in the air like “Oh I might wait five minutes for this shit, but I’m just too damn important to wait ten minutes like this miserable fucker here.” Well guess what, other people, I’m trying to feed a family here. So you go to hell, other people, you go straight to hell.
3. After re-reading the previous paragraph, I think it should probably be read in an Andy Rooney voice.
4. See, what’d I tell ya? Right?
5. Sometimes a quick glance at the baby’s legs as I walk in the door after work tells me all I need to know about the kind of day Kelly had:
The really scary part: I don’t think this even made the top ten list of “things the kids and/or dog did to drive Kelly crazy today.”