Category Archives: Politics

Your tax dollars at work

For the record, when I said in this post:

“The next thing you know, you’ll be getting ass-raped in Gitmo”

I was joking.  It was supposed to be hyperbole, not a report on actual procedures used during the Bush administration.  Fucking amazing.

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Fact and Opinion-Inauguration Edition

1.  I’m not sure which sounds better:  President Barack Obama or former President George W. Bush.

2.  I watched the inauguration on cnn.com with a couple of my coworkers.  We saw Joe Biden get sworn in and Aretha Franklin and everything was going fine until about two minutes before Obama was to be sworn in and then the video started hanging up so we missed the actual swearing-in and ended up listening to the inaugural address on the radio.  My favorite line of the address:  “We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.”  Amen.

3.  I thought about how different awful yesterday (and the next four years) would have been if John McCain had won the election.  I imagined Sarah Palin up there taking the oath of office.  The image in my head was of her finishing up the oath with “So help me god” and then immediately turning her head to the crowd and giving them a quick wink.  Shudder.

4.  I think Obama will be a very good president.  Sure, he’ll always be remembered as the first black president but he seems very levelheaded and he has big ideas and it wouldn’t surprise me if he turns out to be one of the great presidents.

5.  Is it just me or did Bush use the phrase “no terrorist attacks on American soil since September 11” an awful lot in his exit interviews?  Nevermind all the dead soldiers.  They died in Iraq so it doesn’t count.  And what about the DC snipers?  I bet DC residents felt a bit terrorized when that was going on.  I’m going to stop now.

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The News Roundup

1. The House just passed the automotive industry bailout.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  We all know that the bailout won’t solve any of Detroit’s problems.  On the other hand, why shouldn’t we help them out if we’re willing to throw $700 billion at the banks?

Either way, I wish the Big 3’s CEOs would get a clue and stop playing games.  It was  heartbreakingly ignorant of them to show up begging for money in their corporate jets.  That just showed how out of touch they are.  But I also thought it was pretty moronic when they took it to the other extreme and decided to drive themselves to Washington the second time.  Unless you’re going to have all of your employees drive whenever they take a 600-mile business trip, then you have to admit that it was just a stunt.  Have you guys ever heard of flying coach?  You know what I’m talking about:  it’s where you have to buy a ticket and sit next to the smelly people.  Like all of your underlings do when they go somewhere on business.  It was all so obviously for show.

And the whole $1 annual salary thing?  Just another stunt that sounds good but that means absolutely nothing when you consider the stock options and other perks they get.

2.  Joe the Plumber is back in the news also.  Moron.

3.  And of course, there’s Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich trying to auction off the Senate seat previously held by Barack Obama.  That’s just absurdly corrupt.  Like an over-the-top caricature of a shady politician.  It sounds like a crappy Jay Leno joke (No, I’m not sure what other kind of Jay Leno joke there is):

Rod Blagojevich got voted in promising to end the corruption in the Illinois governor’s office but it turns out he’s pretty corrupt himself.

How corrupt is he, Jay?

He’s so corrupt that he tried to sell Barack Obama’s old Senate seat on eBay.

Groan.

4.  Apparently, WordPress spellcheck offers blackjack and biologic when you type in Blagojevich.

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I can’t decide on a title for this post

If you are still undecided about the presidential election at this point, kiss my ass.  On the eve of what is probably the most historic and significant election in our lifetime, there are douchebags out there who claim to still be undecided.  Are you shitting me?

I understand wanting to pick the best person for the job.  I understand getting all the facts before you decide.  I understand mulling over your choice and weighing all the pros and cons.  I even understand deciding to just sit out an election because you’ve had enough.  At least that involves making an actual decision.  So go ahead and wait until after the last debate to decide.  That’s fine.  But if you haven’t made up your mind by election eve, I feel like it’s my responsibility as your fellow American to strongly encourage you to go fuck yourself.

Do these people have the same issues with other decisions in their lives?  Do they spend half an hour every morning trying to decide between the white shirt and the off-white shirt?  Do they ever end up just calling in sick because the staggering variety of shirts in their closets was ultimately just too damn overwhelming?  Of course not, they say.  Shirts are trivial but picking a president is a very important civic duty in any great democracy.

If it’s so important then why are they waiting until the last minute to decide?  Why are they heading into the voting booth not knowing who they are about to pick?  What nugget of information are they planning on receiving in those final seconds before they cast their ballots?  If they truly are as indecisive as they claim to be, then their choice is basically going to be a last-minute coin toss.  And if that’s the case, why bother learning anything about any of the candidates?  Why not just go in the booth, close your eyes, and start pulling random levers?  What’s the difference?

I blame the media.  Every election season, they celebrate the undecided voter.  I’m not sure where they find these people but dragging them out into the spotlight only encourages them.  They are the reason why the ads are still coming in the mail and clogging up the TV.

As citizens of this great nation, I believe we have certain responsibilities.  Voting is one of them.  Staying informed is another.  But at the top of the list is this:  when confronted with an undecided voter in the last week of a campaign season, it is imperative that we kick them in the nuts.  Twice, if necessary.

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Today’s mail


And we didn’t even get any from Obama or McCain today.  Does this stuff actually work?  Has anyone ever pulled one of these out of their mailbox and said, “Son of a bitch!  This guy will protect our future!  Obviously, that other prick will work tirelessly to destroy our future.  I know who I’m voting for now!”  Or “Our veterans did their job but our congressman didn’t?  Unbelievable!”  Or “Oh my god, I’m totally switching my vote because this lady shared a drink with a guy whose uncle once had a one night stand with a woman whose first husband once lived in the same state as this one guy who once said, ‘Really, do you really need an Uzi for self defense?  Seriously?’  Oh hell no!”  Or “See, I just can’t bring myself to vote for some a-hole who eats babies on the taxpayers’ dime.  But then again, it says right here that his opponent refuses to amend the constitution to make sure the gays can’t tie the knot.  And he’s also black.”

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Warning: this is a boring political post

Here’s a great picture from the speech the other day.  I am one of the pixels all the way on the left underneath the trees.  How cool is that?

(Photo credit: EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images)

I still can hardly believe that Indiana is a real live swing state this year.  It’s crazy.  The last time a Democrat won Indiana was 44 years ago.  That’s also the last time the Indianapolis Star endorsed a Democrat for president.  Even this year, they still can’t bring themselves to endorse a Democrat but they have at least decided to remain neutral this time around which should be considered a victory for Barack Obama.

Honestly, it’s always felt a little pointless even voting in Indiana no matter who you were supporting because it seemed like the outcome was predetermined.  For example, in 2004, George W. Bush won Indiana 60-39.  That’s 21 points.  That’s a landslide.  He won Indiana by a bigger margin in 2004 than he did in 2000.  That means that after four years of Bush, Indiana didn’t just narrowly approve of a second term.  No, Indiana practically begged for more.  Fucking amazing.  But even more amazing is the fact that Obama is not just competitive but leading in some Indiana polls right now.  I think people have finally had enough.

I used to feel a little sympathy for John McCain.  He happened to be the Republican nominee in a year that Republicans are finally having to answer for the last eight years.  But after the disgraceful campaign he has run over the past month or so, he deserves to be trounced.

And then, of course, there’s Sarah Palin.  Jesus.  Christ.  McCain certainly riled up the base with her, but that’s not very helpful in an election that will probably be decided by independents and swing voters.  I think the day McCain picked Palin was the day that he finally completely lost his shit.

Now it looks like Palin’s vying for the 2012 nomination.  And I know that sounds like a great idea to the die-hard religious right wingers but if the Republican party wants to be taken seriously again, they should probably send her back to Alaska and pretend she never happened.  Even the Anchorage Daily News has now endorsed Barack Obama for president, for crying out loud.  I guess that shows how red Indiana really is.

I told you this would be boring.

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Barack Obama in Indianapolis

Now that Kelly mentions it, Big D and I went downtown today. This is the best picture I got:

Most of them looked more like this:

Or worse, like this:

They’re saying there were 35,000 people in attendance. I wish the blond would have stayed home though. I mean come on.

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