So I know it’s almost Thanksgiving and it’s a little sacrilegious to put this down in writing but since only about three people in the world will read this, here we go: I think turkey is overrated.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate turkey. I happen to like smoked turkey shaved paper-thin at the deli and piled high on a sandwich. Also, I’m fine with the giant turkey legs at the state fair. And although I’ve never tried Turkey Joints, I’m sure that if they’re anything like the other joints I’ve tried, I’d really enjoy them.
No, it’s Thanksgiving turkey that I’m not so crazy about. It’s the giant lump of meat that even when it’s moist and juicy and roasted to a perfect bronze, still just tastes like turkey. There are so many meats out there that are simply tastier than turkey. Think about it for a second. How awesome would it be to sit down to a Thanksgiving prime rib? Or a nice holiday pastrami? Or if you insist on poultry then why not some fried chicken?
I know what you’re thinking. We should suffer through our mediocre turkey because that’s what the Pilgrims and Indians did back in the day. But you know they would have traded all their turkeys for just one plate of dripping greasy bacon if only Oscar Mayer had invented it sooner. (Today I heard on the radio that they also served lobster at the first Thanksgiving. Why in the world would turkey catch on instead of lobster? Goddamn turkey lobbyists.) Yes, turkey is traditional. But it’s also boring. It’s bland. It literally puts you to sleep.
For the record, I have nothing against Thanksgiving itself. The food and the family and the dog show and the football and the Black Friday ads and the chill in the air and the traditional (in our house) playing of Green Day’s Macy’s Day Parade all add up to make Thanksgiving one of my favorite holidays (top five, at least). And I enjoy the crap out of Thanksgiving dinner. It’s just that when I load up my plate(s) with dressing, casseroles, mashed potatoes, gravy, baked macaroni and cheese, rolls, pies(!), etc., I try to save a little room for a slice of ham.
There, I said it and the world didn’t end.