Monthly Archives: October 2008

Today’s mail


And we didn’t even get any from Obama or McCain today.  Does this stuff actually work?  Has anyone ever pulled one of these out of their mailbox and said, “Son of a bitch!  This guy will protect our future!  Obviously, that other prick will work tirelessly to destroy our future.  I know who I’m voting for now!”  Or “Our veterans did their job but our congressman didn’t?  Unbelievable!”  Or “Oh my god, I’m totally switching my vote because this lady shared a drink with a guy whose uncle once had a one night stand with a woman whose first husband once lived in the same state as this one guy who once said, ‘Really, do you really need an Uzi for self defense?  Seriously?’  Oh hell no!”  Or “See, I just can’t bring myself to vote for some a-hole who eats babies on the taxpayers’ dime.  But then again, it says right here that his opponent refuses to amend the constitution to make sure the gays can’t tie the knot.  And he’s also black.”

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Warning: this is a boring political post

Here’s a great picture from the speech the other day.  I am one of the pixels all the way on the left underneath the trees.  How cool is that?

(Photo credit: EMMANUEL DUNAND/AFP/Getty Images)

I still can hardly believe that Indiana is a real live swing state this year.  It’s crazy.  The last time a Democrat won Indiana was 44 years ago.  That’s also the last time the Indianapolis Star endorsed a Democrat for president.  Even this year, they still can’t bring themselves to endorse a Democrat but they have at least decided to remain neutral this time around which should be considered a victory for Barack Obama.

Honestly, it’s always felt a little pointless even voting in Indiana no matter who you were supporting because it seemed like the outcome was predetermined.  For example, in 2004, George W. Bush won Indiana 60-39.  That’s 21 points.  That’s a landslide.  He won Indiana by a bigger margin in 2004 than he did in 2000.  That means that after four years of Bush, Indiana didn’t just narrowly approve of a second term.  No, Indiana practically begged for more.  Fucking amazing.  But even more amazing is the fact that Obama is not just competitive but leading in some Indiana polls right now.  I think people have finally had enough.

I used to feel a little sympathy for John McCain.  He happened to be the Republican nominee in a year that Republicans are finally having to answer for the last eight years.  But after the disgraceful campaign he has run over the past month or so, he deserves to be trounced.

And then, of course, there’s Sarah Palin.  Jesus.  Christ.  McCain certainly riled up the base with her, but that’s not very helpful in an election that will probably be decided by independents and swing voters.  I think the day McCain picked Palin was the day that he finally completely lost his shit.

Now it looks like Palin’s vying for the 2012 nomination.  And I know that sounds like a great idea to the die-hard religious right wingers but if the Republican party wants to be taken seriously again, they should probably send her back to Alaska and pretend she never happened.  Even the Anchorage Daily News has now endorsed Barack Obama for president, for crying out loud.  I guess that shows how red Indiana really is.

I told you this would be boring.

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Barack Obama in Indianapolis

Now that Kelly mentions it, Big D and I went downtown today. This is the best picture I got:

Most of them looked more like this:

Or worse, like this:

They’re saying there were 35,000 people in attendance. I wish the blond would have stayed home though. I mean come on.

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The Cat

We rarely see our cat Scout.  She’s never been crazy about the kids.  In fact, I believe she hissed at Big D every time she saw him from the day we brought him home from the hospital until he was about five or six.  It only made things worse when we brought Smella home.  But the last straw was when we brought Boobers home in May of 2007.  It turned out that three kids was the magic number that put her over the edge.  She gave up her hopes and dreams and decided to just live out the rest of her life in our bedroom like a convalescent hermit in witness protection.  Come to think of it, that’s what Kelly and I have done too.

So for the last year and a half, she has hidden out in our bedroom 95% of the time that the kids are awake.  After the kids go to bed, she’ll come out of hiding to stretch out a little and get a bite to eat.  Tonight, for some reason, she emerged from the bedroom at seven o’clock.  The kids are not in bed at seven o’clock.  I’m not sure what she was thinking, but the kids loved it.

“Is that her?”

“Who?”

“Scout!”

“What is she doing here?!”

I think Boobers loves her the hardest though.  He’s pretty gentle with her most of the time.  But after a minute or two of soft and easy petting, he just can’t stand it anymore and is compelled to let out a delighted shriek (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID) and try to hug the shit out of her.  And I can’t really blame him since he only sees her about once a month on average which means that he has only met her maybe four times that he can actually remember.  Sad.

Our kids act like they live in a house where the parents have refused to allow pets.  We’ve had her for ten years.  We’ve had other pets over the years as well, but she’s the only one that’s been here all along going all the way back to before we had kids.  I guess we shouldn’t complain about her wanting to get her hermit on too much.  After all, she used to be so bitchy that we were positive that her dying breath would be in the form of a hiss directed at Big D.  Now we know that she’ll die hissing at Boobers instead as he literally loves her to death.

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Mosquitoes and Negative Campaigning

Tonight, after the wife went to work, the kids and I played outside.  We kicked around balls and rode bikes and pushed cars and Smella and I were going to toss around the frisbee but on my first throw I nailed her in the space between the upper lip and nose which according to Google is called a philtrum.

After about half an hour, I realized that I was slapping at so many mosquitoes that the neighbors were probably thinking that I had recently taken up smoking crack as a hobby.  In hindsight, it probably didn’t help that I was dancing around, frantically swatting at my head, and yelling “The bugs!  Smella, do you see all the bugs?!”

I knew coming back in the house would be a hassle because it always is no matter how many times you explicitly tell the kids that they absolutely can only go outside if they promise not to freak out when it’s time to come back in and no matter how many times they nod and agree one hundred percent and insist that I’m the crazy one because they are waaaaay too mature to do anything as unbecoming as throwing a fit in the yard at the first mention of maybe it possibly being time to I don’t know go back in maybe.  Maybe?  Please?

So I quickly scooped up Boobers and took him in the house before he knew what hit him.  He cried but quickly got over it when I distracted him with a sippy cup full of ice water.

Smella did indeed whine and I could tell that she was thinking about making a run for it but I eased my way over to her and talked her down until I got close enough that I could reach out and grab her (Abra-abra-cadabra).  Honestly, it wasn’t that hard to convince her that we should go in because she had a look on her face that said, “OMG, mosquitoes, WTF?”

By the time I went back out to get Big D, it was already starting to sprinkle so that was easy.  We picked up the outside toys and went in to get drinks and cool down.  As I was pouring myself a drink, Big D asked if he could have some of my Coca-cola.  I told him that it was actually cherry coke.  He then begged me to give him a drink.  Smella was all “Me too!  Me too!” so I let them both get a drink out of my glass.  Then Big D asked if he could have a straw and I had to draw the line there.

Around 7:30 I got a phone call.  It came up as a toll-free number on the caller ID and I answered it because sometimes it’s fun to answer surveys.  It wasn’t a survey.  It wasn’t exactly a robocall either.  It was a real live person calling for the Republican National Committee and I could barely hear her at first so I asked her to speak up and she started over much louder telling me how much of a douchebag Barack Obama is.  Apparently his gay lover best friend is a terrorist, but, lucky for us, John McCain is a hero who suspended his campaign to fix the economy.

(I was thinking damn I need to stop getting my news from the internets because I didn’t realize the economy was fixed.  Last time I checked, the Dow was down about 25% over the last month.  Just think how hard they could be fixing it if they weren’t calling me or if John McCain wasn’t getting ready to debate Barack Obama in about an hour and a half or if Sarah Palin wasn’t planning a visit to the Indianapolis area on Friday.  Hell, she’s so smart I bet she could fix it all by herself if she would just take one little day off from the campaign to study it.  Right, Sarah?  You betcha!)

So anyway, the caller rushed through her spiel practically yelling the whole time and I’m pretty sure she never even took a breath.  This being my first call of this nature, I was under the mistaken impression that we would maybe have a little discussion time after her initial introduction.  I thought that perhaps it was a push poll and I could at least answer a question at the end.  But apparently that’s not how it works.  After they blurt out thirty seconds of bile, they just hang up.  Cowards.

It sucks trying to write and watch a debate at the same time.

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Fact and Opinion

1.  This is my second list post in a row.   Deal with it.

2.  I think this is the most honest assessment of where we are as a nation that I’ve read lately.  This is pretty good too.

3.  We found Big D’s paper that I referred to in a post a while back.

At the time, I was gonna say something really funny about it.  I don’t remember what that was anymore.

4.  Right now, I’m listening to this.

5.  This is officially the most inconsequential post ever.

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Seven things you don’t need to know

The wife tagged me with a meme where I have to list seven fun facts about myself and then pass it on to seven other people.  Luckily for you, I’m not a spammer so I’ll just list some crap and not pass it on.

1.  I’m basically deaf in my right ear.

2.  I have a Big Mouth Billy Bass on my wall at work.

3.  I’m an agnostic.  I would probably be an atheist but I’m too damn noncommittal.  Atheism just seems awfully rigid to me.  I can’t say for sure that there are absolutely no gods or ghosts or angels or fairies or dragons or unicorns or sasquatches or leprechauns or colossal squid or aliens out there.  I’ve just never seen any evidence of their existence.  Except for a show on The Discovery Channel about colossal squid that I’m pretty sure was shot in some Hollywood studio what with their special effectual CGIs and what not.  I mean, come on, do you really think we’re gonna believe that there are squid swimming around in our oceans that allegedly have eyeballs as big as soccer balls?  What the FUCK! is that?!

4.  I’ve only been to jail one time.

5.  I met Bill Clinton once.  By “met,” I mean I saw him.  Through a glass door.  From about ten feet away.  Before he was president.  When he was the governor.  And you probably won’t believe it, but he totally said “hi” to me.  And by “said ‘hi'”, I mean he smiled and waved.  At me.  And the other twenty kids in my fourth grade class.  Or maybe he was just hitting on my teacher.

6.  I totally rode the bus to school throughout high school.  Including my senior year.  That is how I roll.

7.  It’s not that I’m not a spammer, even though I’m not.  It’s just that I don’t even know seven people in real life.

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