Real Indianians love them some basketball. From Larry Bird to Bob Knight to Reggie Miller, basketball is a way of life in Indiana. It’s in the blood of all Real Indianians. No, it’s not literally in their blood but don’t tell them that. They’re sure that it is because they’ve been brainwashed by the movie “Hoosiers” which, by the way, is every Real Indianian’s favorite. movie. ever.
Ask a group of Real Indianians “Who invented basketball?” James Naismith. Easy one. Duh. Mention that Naismith was a Canadian(no way) who invented the sport in Massachusetts(hell no!) before settling down in Kansas(BLASPHEMY!!!). Now run. Because when they catch you, they’re gonna fuck you up, you dirty heathen.
As much as they love basketball, most Real Indianians agree that the Indiana Pacers can go straight to hell because lately they have devolved into a bunch of crazy-ass thugs. It wasn’t always like this. The Pacers used to be a proud organization back in the ABA days and even throughout the 80’s and 90’s. Once Reggie retired, it was all downhill from there.
Unlike the situation with the Pacers, it is imperative for any Real Indianian to love, support, and cherish their Indiana University Hoosiers. This means you must have some item emblazoned with the IU logo on your person at all times. AT ALL TIMES. In the shower, during sex, at a funeral, it doesn’t matter. Trust me, the easiest way to fulfil this requirement is to just give up and have the logo tattooed right on your ass.
And, of course, all Real Indianians still worship Bob Knight no matter what college he might have gotten shipped off to. Real Indianians know that the world would be a much better place if only there were more adult men who were willing to throw chairs at referees. And maybe an occasional teenager if they get out of line.